15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16 And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17 As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18 For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19 For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20 Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. 21 So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. 22 For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; 23 but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. 24 What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? 25 Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
ROMANS 7:15-24
It is not surprising that I can identify with the Gemini trait as I am one-June 16. This two-faced astrological sign. Being one way with some and another way with others. Moody some people called it. But within, there was some sort of schizophrenic personality that I try o hard to hide from people. Who is this other person? I don't know. I like her though. she is cool when needed. But as I began to grow in Christ, I realized that this "twin" was not a twin at all. It was the flesh working against the spirit. She had been such apart of my life, strong-willed, determined, defensive, protective. No one was allowed to get close to her sister, and if the sister allowed it, she lay in wait at the first opportunity to strike. One day I stumbled across Romans 7. Not really sure how. In that moment I saw my spirit self and flesh across the pages of the Bible, the Living Word of God. The turmoil of wanting to be one way, but acting another. And the further my walk in Christ, the harder it got.
"Whether we realize it or not, we all have a little Dr. Jekyl and Ms. Hyde going on inside...We all feel the influence of the Flesh Woman--the unholy roommate, [my twin]...She is that contrary, rebellious, incredibly self-centered version of you who shows up when things don't go the way you planned and life seems habitually unfair" Unleashing Twanda, p.27. My twin however is a force to be reckoned with. Unpredictable, sensitive, like a storm; she brews on the inside. Always watching, processing, eliminating the garbage. Content in who she is, makes no apologies for defending what she believes is right--even if she is wrong. As I use "Having a Mary Spirit- Allowing God to change is from the Inside out" as a guide in my transformation to be the woman of God I am destined to be, every page is is a mirror of me. Joan Weaver descibes her Flesh Woman as having an attitude of righteous indignation used to justify the not-so-righteous anger..The flattery poured on in order to secure coveted positions, the false humility in which we cloak ourselves while secretly hoping to be admired. I know her too, she is my twin. Determined to remain in control of my life, whatever the cost.
Daily, I struggle to gain control of Woman of God in me. But the cares of this world makes it easy sometimes to let my twin take over. I must remember that safety is not behind the mask of my twin but in the arms of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Romans 7 tells me why my twin is so strong, but Romans 8 gives me the hope to know that His dying was not in vain. As I press on to be like Mary and be a Woman after God's own heart, I purpose to peel back the layers that I have brought me to this battlefield.
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